Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Be Careful... This is REALLY Gross

When it rains, at our house, it pours.

Tonight... oh, tonight. I'm trying to decide if I'm ready to talk about it yet. Actually, I spent most of my time laughing, it was Jeremy who was so greatly disturbed. Well, I suppose I was too. I guess I have to tell the story now, right? Ok, lots of warning here. Where kids are concerned (and that's who I talk about the most, right?), poop, pee, puke, etc. are usually included. Proceed cautiously if you have a weak stomach.

The past couple of days have been a little rough with the diaper situations. We've some sort of stomach virus that is making diaper changing a little... disgusting. I'll leave it at that. Jayce had a very nasty diaper (this child is so getting potty trained soon!) this morning that resulted in a bath immediately after. They are bad.

So, tonight my wonderful husband escaped our house and went to help some friends move furniture. Lucky guy. It just so happened that I was making dinner at the time (macaroni and cheese, if you must know - homemade), and Grayson kept on fussing. Mind you, he always fusses when I've got him gated off from the kitchen and I'm in there, but this was a little different. So after I got the macaroni in my pot of boiling water, I went out to the living room to comfort him. As I'm holding him, I can feel him pushing, and feel him poop in his diaper. I pull my arm away, and I realized that he also pooped outside of his diaper... all over my arm. And his shirt. And his pants. I only have two arms, and one is seriously incapacitated. Somehow (it must have been those mom genes I was granted when I had Jayce), I got him out of his clothes and diaper without too much trouble. Meanwhile, my macaroni is still bubbling away. Oh well, Jeremy prefers his pasta a little more well done.

I finally get dinner done, and the boys sit down to eat. Jayce polished off his entire plateful (it would seem that whatever is making it's way through our house isn't bothering his appetite), and I sat with Grayson, trying to get him to eat. About halfway through a meal, he'll stop eating and start playing with his food. I know that he's not getting enough, because he'll want to nurse immediately afterward. Knowing that he's going to be weened in about two months, I'm trying to encourage him to eat more solids. So when he stops, I'll get him to eat more by my hand.

So, Jeremy gets home and we both sit down to eat too. About halfway through dinner, as I'm sitting down with seconds, Jeremy looks over at me as says, "What's green on your shirt?" I thinking, Hmm... I didn't make anything green, and I look down and realize... it's poop. Right on my left breast, during dinner. Oh fun. I literally jump up from the table and race upstairs to change. I then gathered up all of the nasty clothes that needed washing and ran downstairs with them. As I'm walking past the table, I realized that Grayson is throwing up...

It would seem that Grayson is developing a very nasty habit of being bulimic. I do not take eating disorders lightly, and I do believe that they are a very terrible problem for many people. I just don't know what else to call it. His nasty habit? He'll gag himself... until he throws up unless I literally pull his fingers out of his mouth several times a meal. That's exactly what he did tonight.

I continued on my mission to get the soiled clothes into the wash, and put Jeremy on puke cleanup. Thankfully, Grayson hadn't gotten the bath he desperately needed after the pooping incident. The whole time Jeremy was cleaning him up, he was gagging and complaining about the smell. "It's not like baby puke anymore, it's real puke!" Hilarious. I was laughing so hard at Jeremy's response. Mostly because I've definitely been there before.

As I'm coming back up the stairs from the laundry area in the basement, I could hear Jayce calling me from the kitchen. I look up, and I see Jayce with his hands down the front of his pants with a silly grin on his face. "Mommy, I touch my peenie!" What do I do? I laugh harder. And tell him to go to his dad. Jeremy was the good parent, and told him to remove his hand from his pants as I was laughing my head off in the kitchen.

Jeremy finally got Grayson down from the high chair and took him into the bathroom for his bath. Jayce and I followed them. Suddenly, Jeremy is hacking and gagging again, as he realized that Grayson still had a ton of pukey chunks on him in the creases on his legs and he was now playing with it. Yeah, gross. I dash for a towel to clean it off, and Jayce goes over to the toilet and puts his hand in it. I don't know why. Maybe for attention? Regardless, I made him thoroughly wash his hands as Jeremy got Grayson's diaper off for the bathtub.

It couldn't be that easy, though. Yes, Grayson had pooped again, and now the diaper was off and there were no wipes in the bathroom. Jeremy yelled for me to grab him some wipes and to wipe off Grayson while he was standing up. Not an easy task on a baby that's constantly moving around. Eventually, as Jeremy put it, he got the front and I got the back. Grayson finally got in the bath and got cleaned up. Jayce was plopped down in front of a VeggieTales movie (yeah, I'm that kind of mom) that was promised to him while I bathed Grayson and Jeremy tried to get his gag reflex back in order.

Now I'm left with a ton of macaroni and cheese leftovers (do you really think anyone in this house is going to want to eat it now?) and a husband that still needs to go into work tonight. On next to no sleep.

What a night! And perfect fodder for Not Me! Monday... oh, it's only Wednesday?


Kim M said...

Thanks for the belly laugh this morning! I bet Jeremy was GLAD to go to work after all of that!

Should we be having second thoughts of coming over for a few days?


Lacey said...

Wow... you are HILARIOUS. You are such a great story teller... I could picture every event happening... thanks for the laugh. Sorry it happened though!! :)

Sara said...

That is awesome! Not that it happened, but that you can relive it and show that it actually was pretty funny! Isn't that so true though, if something is going to go wrong...everything goes wrong! Sorry you had to go through that :)

Ravin2 said...

I am often sad when pictures are not included in your post. Today, I am ecstatic! Thank you for leaving the camera on the shelf while trying to get things cleaned up. I am sure it hit you once or twice during this ordeal that you would love to have a picture of it...